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((((((((((((((((( WEBREFERENCE UPDATE NEWSLETTER ))))))))))))))))) January 18, 2001
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Meryl, two syllables not one, Evans is back by popular demand. Last installment she brought us timeless classics like: "affect" vs. "effect," the three-way battle "assure-ensure-insure" and of course, the battle of the colons, semi and whole that is. This week it's about the overzealous apostrophe and its possessive nature. Learn all about apostrophe gaffes. Also, this week we launch the GASP! Gaffe challenge (say that five times). Find the mistake in this week's article and get your name in lights.
http://www.webreference.com *- link to us today http://www.webreference.com/new/ *- newsletter home http://www.webreference.com/new/submit.html *- submit article
New this week on WebReference.com and the Web:
1. TWO NEW CONTESTS: Submit & Win NetObjects Fusion 5!, Signup & Win! 2. FEATURED ARTICLE: Apostrophe Gaffes 3. NET NEWS: * Yahoo! Merger Rumors Rampant * US Internet access charges could rise * AltaVista to become only Net search engine * Web surfing drops 15 percent in December * Hackers test OS security for $50,000 prize
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. TWO NEW CONTESTS: Submit & Win NetObjects Fusion 5!, Signup & Win
>New: Submit & Win NetObjects Fusion 5!
Submit your article today and you could win NetObjects Fusion 5! If your article makes the cut, and we publish it on the site or in this newsletter, you win! See the submission page for details:
http://www.webreference.com/new/submit.html
This week, in Apostrophe Gaffes, Meryl (two syllables not one) Evans starts a new project dubbed the Grammar and Styles Project (GASP!). Her first lesson includes condemnation of all grammatically challenged Web sites to a lower plane of existence and the call for an immediate sacrifice of all misused apostrophes. Would you care to join GASP?
>New: Signup & Win!
Sign up for the Webreference Update newsletter, and you could win a killer software bundle from Ulead Systems, PhotoImpact and COOL 3D. Each week we'll draw new winners from our new subscribers - you could be next. Already a subscriber? Not a problem - just fill out the form, and you'll be automatically entered to win. Tell your friends!
http://www.webreference.com/new/contest.html
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2. Apostrophe Gaffes
Why is GASP capitalized? Because itÂ’s my new pet name for all this stuff I am throwing at you. GASP stands for Grammar and Styles Project. If youÂ’re getting sick of these grammar and style articles, then donÂ’t read them! It only takes a millisecond to hit the DEL key. HEY! Think twice before you do so. True, I could not care less (yes, it is correct, if I said, "I could care less." then there is room for me to care even less. In this case, thereÂ’s no room to grow.) If you write sloppy e-mails or blogs look at http://www.webreference.com/new/webedit.html Many readers and I are tired of gasping and pulling hair while reading ghastly content on Web sites. You donÂ’t want to be sued for causing alopecia, do you? Go look it up if you donÂ’t know what that means.
http://www.webreference.com/new/webedit.html http://www.blogger.com http://www.meryl.net/blog canÂ’t get enough of Meryl > http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=alopecia
> Ms. Thinksheknowseverythingaboutgrammar is Infallible
First, I never say I am perfect. I don’t have a Ph.D. in English or any degree in English, but I do have a few degrees: a BA and 98.6*F . Hey, sometimes it requires an ordinary commoner like me to help GASPers make sense of it all. Anyway, I was KO’d in the 1st round of the "assure – ensure – insure" match and fell victim to the confusion. Plus, the British invasion, and I don’t mean the Beatles.
You ask, "What was Mer-rylÂ’s incorrect statement?" In my original version of "ItÂ’s Grammar StylinÂ’ Time, Kids!" http://www.webreference.com/new/grammar/, I wrote, "I'm writing this article to assure that you write well." Remarkably intelligent WebReference reader Brian Wold brought this embarrassment to my attention. He has been awarded the first GASP Lifetime Member honor . My husband, of all people, cleared up the whole 'sure mess in one simple sentence: "Use assure when referring directly to people and use ensure when referring to objects." I think I made it pretty clear when to use "insure."
My second error occurred, when referring to British English, I said, "use punctuation on the outside of double quotes." I received feedback from various experts in British English in the form of stinging wrist slaps. They explained to me that punctuation goes inside double quotes, just like in American English. I will be sure to punish my sources for the misinformation. If you know of a good British / American English reference that explains the differences, please email me the details! The winner will get my thanks. What did you expect? This article doesnÂ’t pay the bills. Enough of that, I want my heartburn to go away and my ego to stop deflating.
If I have not already lost you with my tiny imperfections, then fellow GASPers, I am proud to present you with more weaponry to fight the Battle of Non-Grammarians. Just for fun, this week we're launching the GASP! Gaffe contest. Find the mistake I've hidden in this week's article (typo, grammar, or punctuation) and you win a GASP Lifetime Membership and your name in my next installment.
> First, LetÂ’s Atrophy the Apostrophe!
One of the most cloying things is when people use apostrophe ‘s’ to give an object more of the same. How hard can it be to figure out when to use "its" vs. "it’s?" Come on now! All you have to do is read the sentence and then instead of saying "its," say, "it is" or "it has" and see if it makes sense? Try it:
Its idiotic to leave out the apostrophe in this sentence!
So which is it? If you said "its," then stop reading this and go to remedial school. This is for the highly gifted WebReference readers. The same rule applies to "whoÂ’s." Try this again with "youÂ’re" ( say, "you are" ) and "your."
It's time to test you; try filling in the blanks.
_____ reading this fabulous article on ________ computer.
If you filled the first blank with "youÂ’re," and the second with "your" congratulations you may read on. When using "your," youÂ’re using the possessive form of "you." Therefore, the item after "your" should belong to the person with whom youÂ’re addressing. If you missed the question, then never mind, I am keeping my mouth shut.
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000219.htm
> More Apostrophe Dos and DonÂ’ts
Uh-uh, it is not "do’s" and "don’t’s." In "It’s Grammar Stylin’ Time, Kids!" http://www.webreference.com/new/grammar/ I had to admit Microsoft was right. Now, I have the opportunity to say IT IS WRONG! WRONG! W-R-O-N-G! In typing "don‘ts", MS Word automatically changed my word to "don’t’s" with two apostrophes. Furthermore, when I type "do’s" it gives me the squiggly green line to indicate an error. I right mouse click over the squiggly and Word suggests only one replacement: "do do." Well, I say, "do do" to MS!
Mr. Do and Ms. DonÂ’t do not own a dagnabbed thing. Therefore, skip adding the apostrophe, though you still need it to represent "do not" in "donÂ’t."
Example of what NOT to do: http://www.microsoft.com/mindshare/korner/dosanddonts.asp
> Continued Disintegration of the Apostrophe
If you are interested in Server Side Includes (SSI), then you may be interested in http://www.sonic.net/~nbs/unix/www/ssi/ . However, I avoid that Web site like the plague because of how it pluralizes SSI even when using a graphic, no less! Again, is SSI a live, breathing person??? NO! So, quit giving it an unnecessary personality! SSIs are indeed powerful, but look so weak with the added you-should-know-what-by-now!
If you think this is the end of nonsensical pluralizing, think again. An often recommended Web site for SQL tutorials is riddled with ugly apostrophe esses including "andÂ’s," "orÂ’s," and "notÂ’s." If youÂ’re brave enough and your head can withstand the pain of hair pulling, then go look at it:
.">http://w3.one.net/~jhoffman/sqltut.htm#Compound_Conditions>.
A very well known arts and crafts store has a no-no on its Web site. Check out MJDesigns http://www.mjdesigns.com/ > and look at the menu on the bottom to see if you can spot the error. Yessiree, poor Mr. A. Strophe has been mistreated again.
> Here We are in Â’01, What Do the Rest of the Zeros Hold for Us?
One of the things that strikes me as weird about the 2000s is we no longer have the ‘60s, ‘70s, ‘80s and so on. One resource calls the 2000s, the naughts as in naught-one, naught-two (gesundheit, Meryl!). But others say there is no official name. It will be interesting to see how people abbreviate the naught years because rarely do we ever see 60s, 70s, and 80s written correctly. Which to use? Glad you asked, my dear GASPer.
If you are referencing a calendar year in a shortened format, then use ’70. If you speak of my wonderful and grouchy (she was 94, she earned the right!) grandmother (z”l) (no, that is not a typo, it’s a secret language), then leave out the damned (sorry, Grandma, it had to be said) apostrophe! If you put it there, then you’re saying she lived to be 1990 years old! Believe it or not, a major local newspaper wrote, "Even after retirement, Lil continued to volunteer until she was well into her 80's." Ah-buh-buh-ba! It should be "80s." Guess what? This is from an online obituary! A little respect for the dead, please.
http://www.masryvititoe.com/Erin.htm
http://www.ghplus.com/notebook/12-02-99.shtml
If your Web site uses "FAQs" without the victimized apostrophe,
ignore the next sentence. I mentioned it once before
http://www.webreference.com/new/webgrammar2.html and I will it
mention again because itÂ’s one of the biggest nuisances on the
Web. STOP WRITING FAQ APOSTROPHE ess! I wrote a friendly and
gentle e-mail to a webmaster to let him know that it was "FAQ."
The guy had the nerve to write back and said, "You can suggest
it, but I won't change it. FAQ's is used on millions of sites
from personal home pages to major corporations, educations
institutions, and federal, state and local goverment sites."
> End of Apostrophe Discussion
Good news, if you care! Future articles will rely more on the
"Chicago Manual of Style" and Strunk & WhiteÂ’s "The Elements of
Style" because Ms. Two Syllables Not One finally raised enough
dough to replace her prehistoric editions. Yeah, yeah, I know
some of you wrote to me asking to refer to other
Now, go forth GASPers and spread the word! Not to worry, in the
immortal words of Arnold, "IÂ’ll be back!" Unless, of course, (a)
something tragic happens , (b)
this article sucks so much or youÂ’re so unforgiving for my
previous boo-boo that yÂ’all protest to Boss King to fire me
, or (c) the world magically
starts writing perfect grammar .
http://www-scf.usc.edu/~griswold/files/jokes/school/badgramm.txt
http://www-scf.usc.edu/~griswold/files/jokes/school/badgram2.txt
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/alt-usage-english-faq/
http://www.word-detective.com/
Bio: Meryl like Cheryl, your GASP founder and leader, writes for
The Dallas Morning News and dot com newsletters, Web designs,
writes and coordinates newsletters for Internet Business Forum
,">http://www.ibizhome.com>, co-teaches an Web multimedia online
class. She continues to figure out why people cannot pronounce
her name right and yet, Hollywood always gets Meryl StreepÂ’s
correct. If you care to find her, sheÂ’s at:
http://www.meryl.net > or send her an
e-mail: .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. NET NEWS: Yahoo! Merger Rumors Rampant,
US Internet access charges could rise,
AltaVista to become only Net search engine,
Web surfing drops 15 percent in December,
Hackers test OS security for $50,000 prize
>Yahoo! Merger Rumors Rampant
Is Yahoo going to follow in the footsteps of AOL and seek a merger
with a media giant? Find out the latest.
http://www.internetnews.com/ec-news/article/0,,4_563631,00.html
>US Internet access charges could rise
What could cause a raise in the rate for Internet
access? Click and ye shall find.
http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2001/2/ns-20323.html
>AltaVista to become only Net search engine
Altavista is on the attack; it's lawsuit time.
Altavista holds a plethora of patents and even
Google might fall to their legal onslaught.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/16180.html
>Web surfing drops 15 percent in December
Is this true? How can Web surfing be going down when everyone
always says the Internet is exploding? Check out the facts.
http://www.adage.com/interactive/daily/archives/20010118/id20010118-14.html
>Hackers test OS security for $50,000 prize
Do you want to make a quick 50 grand? Simply
hack into Argus Systems Group Pitbull and
it's yours. Read all about it!
http://www.securityfocus.com/headlines/9961
http://www.openhack.com
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Exchange, SMS, Windows 2000 and more. Sign up for
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http://www.swynk.com/
**********************************************************adv.****
That's it for this week, see you next time.
Andrew King
Managing Editor, WebReference.com
update@webreference.com
Alexander Rylance
Assistant Editor, WebReference.com
arylance@internet.com
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